It's been a while....I have been avoiding posting here. I somehow felt a failure after I made the decision to have my lap band removed. Embarrassed, that it didn't work for me. Rewind to January of this year. My band was very loose and I had literally no restriction, so I started getting fills every few weeks and finally started seeing some movement on the scale. I thought I finally found the sweet spot. In April, the 1st signs began. I started having difficult keeping down solid food, gradually and over the course of a couple of weeks, it progressed to not being able to keep down soft foods. I wanted soooo badly to be successful. The worst of it came at the end of April when I could not keep down even water. I couldn't take it anymore, so I went to my Dr. and had her remove all the fluid from the band. That was a Friday. Things did not get any better. Maybe some of you can understand this. We all have our own issues and insecurities and weight is mine. I could not fail at this, even though I was starving. I was dying. My skin was gray - my eyes were yellow. I was a walking zombie. I could not work up enough spit in my mouth to swallow. Things were very bad. I woke up on a Tuesday, got dressed in one of my favorites suits because I had oral arguments that afternoon. Here's the craziness - my plan was to go to the emergency room, ask them for a little fluid, then I would be on my way to court. I told you it was crazy. But at the time, those were my thoughts. I ended up being admitted and stayed for 4 days on an IV getting daily doses of sugar water, Potassium and Magnesium. I can't count how many bags they gave me.
It only treated my symptoms of dehydration though. It did not address that I still could not eat. Even in the hospital on an all liquid diet, I could not keep anything down. My only nutrition was coming through my veins. By Friday, they got my fluid back to normal. But I was miserable still. So I asked to be discharged, so at least I could be miserable in my own home. I had to face reality that I needed to do something with the band. I needed it taken out. I had to wait until Monday.
The strange part is, well maybe it is not so strange given that the lap band industry is a business, that my lap band Dr. tried really, really hard to convince me to leave it in. He encouraged just doing a surgery to correct it. I stood firm. I insisted he take it out. If it wasn't corrected, there is no way I could have endured this again.
Immediately after getting the band removed I felt better. It was gone. I was scared. Afraid that the weight would come right back on and I would be fat forever. My heart sank with the realization that that was a very real possibility. My heart sank even further when the weight did come back. Daily. I wasn't eating crazy; my body was a sponge. Soaking in everything. It knew I had been dying and had gone into survival mode.
I tell my whole story because you should know. People you know, who are thinking that a quick fix will be THE answer, need to know. It may not be. It wasn't for me and it never addressed, even when I did well, my addicted love affair with food.
I started this blog months ago with one thought - I was not giving up. I am not giving up - just switching gears. I will be forty next February. Time to rediscover myself, but to also renew myself. This will now be the focus here. Who wants to join me? I know so many of you have had the same struggle. We all work so hard. It can seem impossible to find a way to eat fresh and healthy, to fit in exercise. Not impossible! Difficult - but not impossible.
Who is ready to do this man! Please come with me!!
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