The biggest piece of advice I could give you is....

FOLLOW THE RULES! While in most every other part of my life I am a rule follower, when it comes to food I am a rule breaker. Weight has always been an issue and but for a few brief moments in 1983, and the early 1990's, I have been over-weight. I lost weight then by cheating. I would eat everything in sight and throw it all up. I just loved food. That gets old; I got old(er). And though I haven't purged for about 20 years, the food binger still lives in me.

So when I got the lap bad, my cheater mind set was still there. Long before I got the procedure, I knew the rules. Only fluids two days after a fill, soft foods two more days, protien first, stay away from starch and sticky foods, 1/2 cup of food or so, small bites, no soda, no straws, nickle size bites..... I KNOW the rules. But following them is another matter for a die hard cheater.

My name is Wendy Mays - I am a cheater. But, I have resolved to follow the rules and I am deteremined for success. I have my tools. I have the foods I need in the house. The small plates I am going to use for meals, the drinks I am going to drink instead of Diet Pepsi. And now I have a place to be accountable! Woo hoo. I'm excited.

My goal? To be able to fit into a regular sized Tahari suit. Can't wait!

Set to get a fill on Jan. 29th, 1010

Well, I have made the appointment to get my band filled again. It has been a while and right now it is near empty. In addition to not following the rules, my body was not cooperating. The last time I had fluid in it I became very sick and could barely keep down water. It was soooo awful. I was miserable for about a week because at the time I was in trial so I couldn't get in to the Doctor. About day four of exhaustion and dehydration I arranged to have the trial end a little early that day and the Dr. agreed to a late appointment. During an afternoon break in the trial the Judge decided he wanted us to stay late and finish up normal time. I burst into tears on the record in open court. I was sooooo embarrassed. I had to explain that I was sick and that I really needed to leave; he seemed a little embarrassed by the situation as well and, of course, let us go early.

Since then they put a scope down my throat to be sure there wasn't anything wrong. I'm OK, but there was a little bacteria in my stomach. That has since been medicated. So now I am all set. I'm ready to get back in the saddle. Wish me luck!!!

I'm not down, I'm up or getting up.

You would think that after a year and a half of only losing about 11 pounds, that I would give up on the lap band and myself and simply accept that I will be a forever fatty. Trust me, I have often thought of giving up and have had momentary lapses of resolving to do just that. But then I walk past a window, catch a glimpse in a mirror or see a photo and I don't recognize the person I see. That can't be me. I don't feel like that person. I don't want to be that person. But I am that person. That is me. So there is a choice to be made. Do I accept that is who I am or do I do what I set out to do a year and a half ago and follow the plan, accept the rules and be all in.

We missed church last Sunday. Sitting and drinking my coffee, flipping through the channels, I stumbled across John Maxwell preaching at the Chrystal Cathedral. He was speaking on failure. The difference between people who are successful and people who are not, is that successful people are not immune from failure, but do handle failure differently. Successful people "fail forward". They learn something from their failure and are somehow better off by their failure. Others, when they fail are paralyzed, they give up, they blame others. They fail to look inside themselves and to learn from what happened.

I have not had success with my lap band so far because I have not followed the rules. If I am to be successful, I need to follow the rules, eat what I am supposed to eat, in the portions I am supposed to. It is up to me, only me, to do this. I am sure that I will have set backs. I will have times that I stumble. When I get down - I will get back up. Get to work and begin again.